Everyday I face doubt. Not necessarily from others, but myself; I doubt!
I doubt myself; that I haven’t done something I should have. I doubt my accomplishments; that I am rewarded for mediocrity. I doubt my goals; that I will never reach them despite my driven efforts. I could go on and on with all the things I doubt and why, but then, I doubt you would want to read on.
So how do I overcome this feeling?
This morning I left my house and doubted myself. I couldn’t recall closing the door behind me, and so, I doubted that I had undertaken that action; when in truth, I should have trusted myself. I had performed a task – a muscle memory – that I do every morning, why would today be any different? Regardless, I checked (and double checked) until I was happy I had accomplished the task and no longer doubted what I had done was right.
I experience this in my writing too. I will write with such vindication, such confidence, yet once my mouse clicks publish, it creeps in. That sickening feeling of doubt. I doubt anyone would want to read my words, or that they would understand the story I am trying to tell; but I overcome it. I tell myself that I have written what ‘I’ want to write, that nobody has to like it, that my accomplishment is not numbers but actions. I have published a story that I’ve created, a story that has been trapped within me for so long that once freed, it is near immortal. I have shared a part of me, a part of my world – with you.
Imposter syndrome is a big part of a writer’s life, as well as other professions. It is an underlying fear and doubt that you do not belong – but you do. You just have to remind yourself of that. Remind yourself of your accomplishments, no matter how small and lift your head with pride. You are after all, undoubtedly, you.
And so, I will continue to write; I will continue to work towards my goals of publishing my book; I will continue to share small tastes of its content; and I will continue, undoubtedly, to be me.
